important reminders for 2008

barack obama has funny colored skin and is a muslim if you vote for him we will all live in mosques one day

hillary clinton has a vagina but it is a robotic vagina and it eats men for dinner

john edwards hates you for having money he wants it all for himself so he can buy a new wife in a few years

mitt romney is an appendage of a space alien buried deep beneath salt lake city

fred thompson was once on the tv he played a rock in the engrossing upn series "yo dawg what's up with that"

rudy giuliani did 9/11

mike huckabee was in a movie once and was also fat once fat people cannot be trusted

john mccain has a tortured soul and cuts himself

ron paul wants you to know that barack obama is fleet footed and that the trilateral commission which is full of J-E-W-S runs the world 

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hello xanga

i am old i am a senior in college when i was a kid there was 2000 and there was 2004 and then there was 2061 all the way in the distant future when my comet comes back but i completely neglected to think about the years between 2004 and 2061 that's an awful lot of years to fill with things i think i will fill 2033 with staplers and possibly 2037 with the particularly inedible parts of broccoli

sometimes i need more richard scarry than george carlin

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i live in an apartment complex where people are made of vegetables

the man with the turnip eyes is scary because man who likes turnips anyway and really if i saw someone with a big dirty tuber all up in their face i'd be a little scared but if i saw someone with two big dirty tubers not just up in their face but pointing out and staring at me that would just be too much

there is a girl with ears made of cauliflower i think she plays rugby or maybe she boxes in that case i would imagine even more of her would be made of cauliflower

above me there lives a man with three hundred pounds of beets for his hindquarters this is the only possible explanation for how he manages to shake the entire building at 2:15 every night

in the apartment office there lives a gnome who files paperwork all day, much to my surprise he was carved from a particularly subdued squash

right next door there lives a child of the corn obviously he is corn it would be weird if he was made out of carrots or something unrelated but no corn begets corn and he has incredibly light colored hair and lacks some essential pigments and attracts plain-looking girls from nebraska who wear overalls a little too often

over in the next building there exists an unfortunate girl who has bell peppers for legs, they are a little bit too green and stumpy to attract the right sort of person so she sits in her bedroom staring out the window an uncomfortable proportion of the day, she seems contented enough though

maybe it's because she gets to stare across the parking lot into the apartment where eggplant boy lives, that guy looks way too young to be in college and he has to work a whole lot harder than most people just to get by but he'll never give up on his dream of being a high-powered trial lawyer or of having limbs

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words take a long time now